A writer in the midst of their first novel asks if the fact that they’re a better reader than writer is a sign that they should give up the writing dream.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Dear Writer,
You're a better reader than writer because you've been reading longer. Readers make the best writers, so give yourself time for your writing skills to rise to that level. You're far too close to your story to know what makes it tick just now. That will change when it's finished and you've gained some necessary distance.
It's never fair to compare your draft to a published novel. Do you know how many revisions a novel takes before it gets to the publisher; how many editors go through it before it hits the bookshelves? Of course they seem better!
If I ever meet a writer who tells me they don't have doubts, I'll assume they're lying or narcissists. It's part and parcel of what we do. We think "I have something to say" and moments later "I suck and why would anyone listen to me." It's that duality that makes us good at what we do. We aren't ruled by ego ("look at me") and we learn to overcome the doubts so we don't sound like Eeyore all the time.
Not that there's anything wrong with Eeyore. You know, he was a depressed character before we understood what that meant, but his friends were always there for him, teaching us as young readers to have empathy and that his sadness was just as normal as Tigger's energy. Doubting your writing and your novel is equally normal. As normal as writers get.
You asked if I go through this. Only all the time.
You know that Stephen King tossed out his draft of Carrie and his wife pulled it out of the garbage and sent it out? Look where he is now. Of course, I can't guarantee any of us will reach his level, the point is that even someone like Stephen King has doubts. It's the dirty truth no one tells you before you start to write, all that hope in your heart.
Hold onto that hope, that spark of joy, even when you're thinking Eeyore thoughts. That's what gets a writer through it all, that dream and that spark of a story. Focus on what you can control, which is the writing and improving your writing skills. Everyone needs to improve. I still attend workshops and read articles and books. I still have doubts. I continue to write.
At one point in King's career, I read an article that he was quitting writing (might have been after he was hit by a car, but I honestly can't remember). I told a friend at the time that King couldn't stop writing because his brain would explode. Sure enough, he couldn't quit.
"They," whoever the ubiquitous they are, say that if you can quit writing, you should, because who needs this pressure, this angst, this... all the stuff you're feeling right now? So then only the "real" writers keep going, the ones who can't quit.
I disagree. I think the people who quit didn't have someone to help them believe in themselves, and so they quit and become reviewers or marketing execs. And they miss writing as if it were a lost limb.
Maybe that's a safer choice, certainly more financially sound, but not one I could make, not for all the money in Stephen King's bank account. If I quit writing, my head would explode.
I once wrote 12,000 words in 24 hours because I was behind deadline, feeling like you feel, and the only thing that kept me typing was missing the deadline and the desire not to disappoint readers waiting for the next in the series. And possibly because my children knew that the book was due and I didn't want them to see me fail.
The point of all of this is that what you're feeling is a normal part of the process. I know student-writers think my job is to mark up manuscripts and give them grades.
“Au contraire mon frère.”
My job is this, right here. Coaching you through these moments of doubt.
Writing is a solitary endeavor, but we can't do it well without community, other writers to talk us off the ledge. Today, that’s my job. Some day, it will be your job, passing on that both the mania of writing (Tigger) and the defeat (Eeyore) are all on the spectrum of normal. Above all, remember this. You are not alone.
Cindy Skaggs is a writer, public speaker, and military veteran who holds an MFA from Pacific Lutheran University and an MA in Creative Writing from Regis University. She is an advocate for military and veteran issues, mom to two humans, and an armchair traveler. She is a native of Colorado where she teaches graduate and undergraduate creative writing.
Thanks for reading The Write Place! Join us on this writing journey. Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.